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The Lighter Side of Baseball

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The Lighter Side of Baseball

A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate Who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away.
--Unknown

Baseball is like church. Many attend few understand.
--Wes Westrum

Baseball is almost the only place in life where a sacrifice is really appreciated.
--Mark Beltaire

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.
--Yogi Berra

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
--Jim Bouton

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
--Phyllis Diller

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
--Hank Aaron

Lady, I'm not an athlete. I'm a baseball player.
--John Kruk

Opera in English, is about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
--H. L. Mencken

The new definition of a heathen is a man who has never played baseball.
--Elbert Hubbard

[Leo Durocher's lectures] often made up in energy what they lacked in clarity.
--Heywood Hale Broun

When Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, he found a baseball that Jimmy Foxx hit off me in 1937.
--Lefty Gomez

[A knuckleball is] a curve ball that doesn't give a damn. 
--Jimmy Cannon

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings. 
--Earl Wilson

A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time. 
--William C. Feather

A hot dog at the ball park is better than steak at the Ritz. 
--Humphrey Bogart

Baseball fans are junkies, and their heroin is the statistic. 
--Robert S. Wieder

Baseball is the only game left for people.  To play basketball, you have to be 7 feet 6 inches.  To play football, you have to be the same width. 
--Bill Veeck, 1975

Baseball, it is said, is only a game.  True.  And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. 
--George F. Will

Don't forget to swing hard, in case you hit the ball. 
--Woodie Held

Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires." 
--John McSherry

Good pitching will beat good hitting any time, and vice versa. 
--Bob Veale

I don't want to play golf.  When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it. 
--Rogers Hornsby

I have discovered in twenty years of moving around a ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats. 
--Bill Veeck

I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks in batting practice. 
--Casey Stengel

If a horse can't eat it, I don't want to play on it. 
--Dick Allen

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. 
--Dave Barry

Putting lights in Wrigley Field is like putting aluminum siding on the Sistine Chapel. 
--Roger Simon

The best way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then pick it up. 
--Bob Uecker

There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball.  Unfortunately, neither of them work. 
--Charlie Lau, 1982

There have been only two geniuses in the world.  Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. 
--Tallulah Bankhead

Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak a sunrise past a rooster. 
--Joe Adcock & Curt Simmons

Watching a spring training game is as exciting as watching a tree form its annual ring. 
--Jerry Izenberg

What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series?  No cubs. 
--Harry Caray

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. 
--Woody Allen

Why does everybody stand up and sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when they're already there? 
--Larry Anderson


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