A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate Who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away.
--Unknown
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Baseball is like church. Many attend few understand.
--Wes Westrum
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Baseball is almost the only place in life where a sacrifice is really appreciated.
--Mark Beltaire
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Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.
--Yogi Berra
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Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
--Jim Bouton
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
--Phyllis Diller
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It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
--Hank Aaron
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Lady, I'm not an athlete. I'm a baseball player.
--John Kruk
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Opera in English, is about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
--H. L. Mencken
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The new definition of a heathen is a man who has never played baseball.
--Elbert Hubbard
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[Leo Durocher's lectures] often made up in energy what they lacked in clarity.
--Heywood Hale Broun
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When Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, he found a baseball that Jimmy Foxx hit off me in 1937.
--Lefty Gomez
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[A knuckleball is] a curve ball that doesn't give a damn.
--Jimmy Cannon
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A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
--Earl Wilson
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A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time.
--William C. Feather
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A hot dog at the ball park is better than steak at the Ritz.
--Humphrey Bogart
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Baseball fans are junkies, and their heroin is the statistic.
--Robert S. Wieder
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Baseball is the only game left for people. To play basketball, you have to be 7 feet 6 inches. To play football, you have to be the same width.
--Bill Veeck, 1975
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Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona.
--George F. Will
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Don't forget to swing hard, in case you hit the ball.
--Woodie Held
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Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires."
--John McSherry
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Good pitching will beat good hitting any time, and vice versa.
--Bob Veale
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I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.
--Rogers Hornsby
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I have discovered in twenty years of moving around a ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats.
--Bill Veeck
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I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks in batting practice.
--Casey Stengel
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If a horse can't eat it, I don't want to play on it.
--Dick Allen
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If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
--Dave Barry
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Putting lights in Wrigley Field is like putting aluminum siding on the Sistine Chapel.
--Roger Simon
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The best way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then pick it up.
--Bob Uecker
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There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them work.
--Charlie Lau, 1982
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There have been only two geniuses in the world. Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare.
--Tallulah Bankhead
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Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak a sunrise past a rooster.
--Joe Adcock & Curt Simmons
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Watching a spring training game is as exciting as watching a tree form its annual ring.
--Jerry Izenberg
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What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs.
--Harry Caray
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
--Woody Allen
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Why does everybody stand up and sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when they're already there?
--Larry Anderson
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